First of all, I would just like to state this isn’t aimed at all mothers. I’m sure there are a bunch of you out there who are very pleasant responsible people. This is for the group that is not.
So, I have to get this off my chest. Dear mothers, just because you have pushed a human being out of your body and I have not does not make you better than me, it doesn’t make you smarter than me. It doesn’t make every thought you have rainbows and sunshine and it doesn’t make my views evil and wrong. It doesn’t seem to even matter what the conversation is about. It may have absolutely nothing to do with the topic of children or the subject of motherhood, but according to most moms I can’t know anything about well, anything. If I hear the words, “Well, you’re not a mother so you couldn’t possibly understand” One more time I’m going to fucking explode. Yes, okay! I could possibly understand! I could possibly have some grasp of what it’s like to love a child more than anything in the world. I do have children in my own life thank you very much. I didn’t give birth to them so maybe no, it’s not exactly the same but I can understand. I can get it. It’s not like I’m some 21 year old selfish nimrod. I’m an adult woman who truly wants to have kids of her own. Alright?!
OH! Here’s another issue I have with this ‘Mom’s club’ going on around here, it’s like you guys don’t want anyone else to join you. You can be going on and on and on about how beautiful your children are and how motherhood is the greatest thing to ever happen to you and yet as soon as I say, “I’d like to have a child myself someday” you instantly switch gears? Its goes from “Motherhood is just the best” to “Are you sure Kate? I don’t know, it’s so hard. They scream and cry, and talk back and you never get any sleep, and you gain so much weight, and they ruin your things, blah, blah, blah” It’s like, wow, thank you so much for the fucking encouragement. Now that you feel you’re better than everybody else you don’t want me to obtain this secret to all wisdom as well. Well, that makes you mean and selfish. So there.
Part three of this rant is for both genders. Mothers and fathers alike come on down! I’ve got something to share with you! And it is simply this: WATCH YOUR CHILDREN! Okay, some context. When did it become okay, when did parents start to think it was appropriate and or decent behavior to bring their small (I’m talking babies, to like five here ok?) children to a party or gathering, set the child down and wander off assuming everyone else will just watch the child for you? You can’t one minute be lecturing me on not understanding the fear that your child will be taken or some shit and then leave your two year old alone with four complete strangers while you go stand in the back yard to smoke and bullshit with your buddies. What kind of crap parent are you? If you wanted your ‘grown up’ time, then maybe you should have left the kid at home with a babysitter that you know and trust.
Why is it that I seem to be the only one to notice when the five year old goes wandering across the field and is going into the dark woods at night time by themselves? I brought the child back, got him an ice cream and it was a whole nother hour before the father reappeared having absolutely no idea that his kid had ever left the camp grounds.
Why is it that I seem to be the only one to get up and walk along with the four year old as she jumped from slippery jagged rock to jagged rock around the fire pit? Another mom there (not the girl’s mom) laughed at me and called me paranoid. But ya know what, when that girl slipped and almost busted her head open on the next rock, she didn’t! Because I was there to catch her in time. You’re welcome.
Or at this baby shower I was at on Saturday. This mom comes in sets her ‘almost a year old’ (I never heard a true age) baby on the floor and then, SHE WALKED THE HELL AWAY. She didn’t know the few of us sitting in the living room. We didn’t know her. And nobody else seemed to give a rat’s ass about her child either. I watched, I just fucking watched, as this baby pulled down every cup on the coffee table to spill colored liquid on the carpet. I watched as he changed every setting on the TV as he button mashed the crap out of the remote. I watched as he poured vase water all over himself and the fireplace. I watched as he pulled every movie off the movie shelf. And yes, someone stepped on one and I heard it break. You know, they didn’t pick it up either. They laughed at the cute baby and kept moving. I finally intervened when the kid almost tumbled head first down the concrete steps that led into the backyard. The mom appeared out of nowhere and snatched the baby from me like I had done something wrong. Your child almost fell down the side of these steep no-side-railed steps to the cement patio okay? You’re fucking welcome; oh and by the way that big ass mess in the living room with the TV now only playing in Spanish that the hosts haven’t seen yet is on you. And if that was my house, I’d be fucking pissed.
So, okay, parents who are so much wiser than me; even if the chance of your baby getting hurt is only 0.000001% isn’t that too much? I know you can’t save a child from everything, every bump and scratch, but shouldn’t you at least be trying? Especially when they’re not even a fucking year old yet? (oh, yeah, also at this same shower, I stopped another kid, age four, from running out into the street, in front of a car going by. The Dad was in the back having a beer with the fella’s. You’re welcome sir) And it’s not like these parents ever ask anyone, “Hey, I’d like to get a plate of food and maybe talk with the future mom to be for a bit, would you mind watching Timmy for me?” To which I would probably say sure. I like babies. But they don’t ask! Ever! They just assume that everyone will chip in. Which I’m here to tell you parents, no they won’t! It seems to be just me, and my amazing boyfriend (who is as fed up with this as I am) who gives a shit about your kids. Everyone else at the party is ignoring your kids as much as you are. And for the record, I took my niece places when she was little, to gatherings and things, and I knew how to watch for her safety while she played, keep her from destroying someone’s house, and have a good time with my friends. It’s not that hard ‘real moms’. Unless your kid is just a terror, to which I say again, get a babysitter.
Whew, I feel so much better now. Thank you.
PS: WATCH YOUR KIDS!
Dear Moms and Dads
11 Monday Aug 2014
Posted Thoughts
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